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Here's what you need to know if you're looking for a job

  • Here's what you need to know if you're looking for a job
πŸ“— You must have 3 bachelor's degrees, 5 master's degrees, and speak at least 10 languages
πŸ‘© πŸ’» You must have 82 years of experience, even if that sector has only been active for 5 years - in your past lives you were already preparing for this moment
πŸ€– You must have a specialization in ATS to pass the first filter - 30 credits of the degree are validated when you have reached 300 hours of internship
πŸ“„ You must be able to adapt - but not to the environment, no; ability to tailor your CV to each job you apply for
βœ‰ You should also create an adapted cover letter with 10 proposals
πŸ“Ή Get ready for your intro video in which you'll have to do 10 backward somersaults
πŸ’» Don't forget your 5 portfolios showing your previous work
πŸ‘― ♂️ You must know how to play 10 roles in one
❌ You should NOT be afraid, since you will have to contact the recruiter once you have applied, to earn points - I have a lot of respect for writing to them
βš– If you're in, get ready for the 3 psychotechnical tests, the 4 case studies and the 20 phases of the process
πŸ‘» Work on that fear of rejection, there is a very high % of being ghosted and having your heart broken. "It's not you, it's me"
πŸ’” For the above, if you have anxious attachment, going to therapy can be good for you, because this experience will force you to know how to deal with avoidant attachments
πŸ’š Don't even think about putting on the green circle, desperate
πŸŽ– Don't forget to create your personal brand on LinkedIn, it's your letter of introduction to the world, apart from doing all of the above. Create your own content - make time for it after spending 15 hours a day applying for offers
🧘 ♀️ You must have a lot of patience and resilience, you will need it every time you read the salary of the offer - if it appears in the description, of course
β˜• You must know how to breathe deeply and not lose your cool - by the time you read about "knowing how to work under pressure" (you must have the diving course), free coffee (if you are a barista, you earn points), fresh fruit every day (own garden, +10 points), and hybrid modality - on Fridays teleworking (don't complain, you could have the option to choose which day you want, what a horror)"
πŸ‘Ÿ Go training every day because you will be constantly in the Battle Royale. Think about it: you, me, competing against 300 other people for that position. A fantasy, what a love πŸ’– story
πŸ₯– If you are a recent graduate or junior, I recommend having been born earlier. You should have been born with 10 years of experience under your arm, instead of a loaf of bread
🧠 If you have mental health issues, well... Here you come crying from home/To cry to the weeping

Other skills that can help you:
✈ Knowing how to fly planes, for when things go downhill, and knowing how to parachute, for when you have to make a forced landing

And to read this post without being offended, you need to have a bit of a sense of #humor ❀️


27 Mar 2024